Willpower Vs Donut Holes

My work had one of its normal bimonthly potlucks the other day. The enemy was there. Little powdered donut holes were staring me down. And no, I'm not exaggerating whatsoever. Next to them was their equally tasty cousin buttercream cake and then down the table was their friend Dominoes Pizza. The real kicker was the Tootsie Roll Pops displayed in tin buckets on the tables. I managed to avoid the break room for an entire 24 hours, which wasn't too difficult for the 15 hours I wasn't there. But for those nine, torture. But the truth is, one little donut hole can't do too much damage. Health-wise, it is about 50 calories, it's high on the glycemic index so it would spike my blood sugar causing a crash, has preservatives making them delectable for days or weeks after they are made. But with all that said, there is much worse you could do to your body.

So for that whole day at work I did great. Then the next morning, I could no longer steer clear of those glorious powdered sugar balls of heaven. And damn, it was good. I beat myself up mentally for the remainder of the day to later do great at the gym, almost as if a sort of punishment for being so naughty. But really, what is it that drives all of us? It's never about the donut hole. 

I was deadlifting today which is by far my favorite thing to do.

Face of happiness.

I'm great at the deadlift if I do say so myself. I lift almost at an intermediate level of training just within months of beginning. I was getting in the zone to pull up the bar when a face pops into my head that gives me that extra push to pick up the bar and stand. Later after the workout, my gym was offering free health screenings AND I KILLED IT. My cholesterol, great. Blood sugar, borderline low. Triglycerides, superb. And what prevents me from still feeling unhealthy?

The face I saw that pushed me in the lift. The face of the guy who was the first guy to turn me down since middle school. He never gave me a reason but I was convinced it was because of weight. I forget all other aspects of my health which are overall great except my weight. In my mind, that's why no one has come out of the wood work in attempts to date me. So why do we do this to ourselves? 

I know beauty comes from within.

I know God created me in his perfect form. 

And I know whoever I'm going to grow old with won't see my imperfections as flaws, but simply, just as part of me

What I really want in the gym is peace of mind. In the future, I'm want to be driven by health and well-being, not his face.

Strike that.

In the future, I am going to be driven by health and well-being.